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The city of Kankakee is settled in Kankakee County in the state of Illinois. Kankakee lies practically sixty miles south of Chicago. As of the 2000 census, the city of Kankakee had practically 27,000 residents that cover only about twelve quadrilateral miles. Although the city itself may be small it does have a lot to offer along with outdoor activities, a water park for the kids and even great Kankakee healthcare.
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Kankakee is home to one a spectacular park. Kankakee River State Park has plenty to offer in terms of outdoor fun. Kankakee Park is especially popular among hunters. Hunters of all sorts can enjoy hunting deer, duck, pheasant, rabbit and fox just to name a few. If you would rather enjoy a day of leisurely fishing Kankakee Park has plenty of that as well. The Park is also great for picnicking, camping or even snowmobiling while the winter months. And if you happen to injure yourself while doing one of these activities in Kankakee Park you will probably want to go to the Kankakee county hospital.
If you are seeing for a great place to take the kids while the summer months, then look no further than Kankakee for a spectacular water park. This water park has all that your kids could dream of. The park holds a four lane lap pool, three water slides, and a lazy river that you can ride down in an inner tube. The park also has a kiddy pool for the younger children. Children over the age of twelve are positively allowed in the water park without an adult present.
Another point of interest in Kankakee is the Kankakee County Museum. They have exhibits that communicate Kankakee's experiences while the Spanish-American War, World War I and World War Ii. The Museum also holds the house of an Illinois Governor who was native to Kankakee, Illinois that was built in 1855. There is also a schoolhouse that was built in 1904.
Although the city of Kankakee may be small it still has lots to offer. The Kankakee Park, Water Park, Kankakee County Museum and Kankakee, Illinois healthcare are just a few examples. So whether you are native to the State of Illinois and haven't been to the city of Kankakee or are plainly driving through on a longer road trip, make sure you put Kankakee on your list of cities to visit. There are many things to keep you entertained in Kankakee as well as plenty of places to make you palpate that small town feeling that many of us have never felt. Kankakee is one of those rarely seen anymore good ole American towns that can make anything feel right at home. Make Kankakee one of your places that you just have to see.
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Hospice At Home - On Death and Dying - Ten Things You Need to Know About Hospice Care.
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Your family doctor and your neighbor have both suggested you call hospice for your ill loved one but you continue to be reluctant. You fear that accepting hospice is "giving up" and that your loved one will no longer receive state of the art healing care. This article will help you to sort through many of your spoken and unspoken concerns about hospice care.
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1. Isn't hospice a place where population go? No, hospice is a service, not a place. Hospice brings care into your own home, be it a secret residence, an assisted living installation or a nursing home. Most population want to and can stay at home but if your care becomes too complicated to carry on at home, hospices also supply short term sick person care to operate symptoms in a hospice unit, a hospital or a skilled nursing facility.
2. What does hospice provide? Hospice provides a lot of expert services. Hospices are mandated to supply both habit and after hours nursing visits. This means that the nurse will visit regularly, assess for changes and arrange for medicines and healing supplies as they are needed. She/he will put crisis medications and oxygen in your home in advance of a crisis. The nurse will spend a great deal of time answering your questions and establishment you for what comes next. Where in the past, you brought your ill loved one to the doctor's office or to the crisis room, now the services will come to you. Should you need help or direction on a Saturday or Sunday, a nurse will visit. You are no longer alone; help is just a phone call away. Other services that the hospice provides include an aide to help with bathing, counselors to help meet emotional needs and volunteers. Some hospices supply doctor visits. Some hospices even supply music therapy, massage therapy, aroma therapy, pet therapy and art therapy.
3. When do you qualify for hospice care? Unfortunately most population get hospice care too late, in the final days or weeks of life. They qualify for it as much as six months earlier. Getting hospice care earlier reduces the family's stress, avoids burnout and guarantees an improved potential of life. It keeps the sick person well, which allows for special moments and memories to be shared. It affords both you and your loved one the opening to say "thank you" and "good bye."
4. Don't most population die at home? While is true that 90% of Americans want to die at home, in actuality, very few do. Currently, 75-80% of Americans die in facilities (hospitals and nursing homes) and less than 25% of them die at home. In contrast, hospice patients roughly all the time get their wish to die at home as their families are well ready and supported to care for them at home. Hospice patients rarely die in the hospital.
5. Can hospice patients die in a hospital? Of course. If they select to die in the hospital, the sick person will need to be discharged from the hospice, a simple matter of signing a paper.
6. Will entering a hospice make you die sooner? There is a great deal of unfounded concern about the use of medications like Morphine and the fear that its use will shorten life. There are several studies that show that Morphine eases pain but does not shorten life even in the most debilitated and ill patients. Someone else unfounded fear is that person will die sooner if they find out that they are terminally ill. family members sometimes insist that no one mention the word "hospice" to their loved one out of fear that their loved one will give up on life. The reality is, being ill and in failing health is a lonely experience. Most patients know on some level how ill they are. Many want to talk about it and put plans in place. Sometimes they don't bring it up because they see how painful it is for you and they are trying to protect you. This conspiracy of silence robs both parties of opportunities. Many patients want to ask questions about what will happen to them. They look for reassurance that their symptoms will be controlled and that they will remain in operate and comfortable. You also may want to ask them questions. Questions about their funeral and how they want issues handled after their death.
7. Do patients admitted to hospice ever improve? Yes, some patients admitted to hospice in effect enhance and in time, they are discharged from hospice. This makes sense that when you enhance someone's pain and ease their loneliness, they will eat and sleep best and gain some health.
8. Will hospice make me give up treatments that are currently benefiting me? You don't have to give up treatments or medications that are benefiting you. The hospice focus is on potential of life. Medications that promote potential of life are ordinarily covered by the hospice. If you find a new treatment that may prolong your life (but not enhance your potential of life), you can sign off the hospice advantage and return at a later date.
9. Is hospice care expensive? Hospice care is covered by most insurance. Medicare and most Medicaid insurances cover hospice care at 100%. Many secret insurances have modeled themselves after these federal and state programs and also cover hospice care at 100%.
10. Hospice care is a needful assistance that many population never receive.
Sometimes it is never offered and other times, the sick person or family is reluctant to accept hospice care. Most families who did receive hospice care say that they could have benefited from hospice much earlier. Ask you doctor about hospice care. If your doctor is not sure that you qualify, most hospices will send a nurse to the home to rate your appropriateness for hospice. Don't allow your fear to prevent you from getting the help that you need.
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Kankakee Hospice - Chair Stair Lifts Can Solve the Problem of Getting the Elderly Up and Down Stairs.
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One of the primary issues facing older individuals is that stairs can turn into a difficulty. Wheelchair stair lifts can take away one of the greatest troubles, which occur because of lack of mobility. They make it possible to move around your household with relative ease.
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Wheelchair lifts for stairs may be installed within your home to allow wheelchair users to tackle stairs with ease. The inclined platform lift allows you to drive your wheelchair onto the stair lift and ride up a flight of stairs with convenience. When first produced, wheelchair stair lifts could only be utilized on straight staircases. Today, you can get a stair lift that will be installed on curved staircases, stairs with corners, and even staircases with two or extra landings.
A wheelchair lift for stairs runs on a track which is placed on the side of the stairs and connected to the wall for power. Your stairs ought to be against the wall or have a reinforced railing to allow for the full weight of a person on a seat, as well as the track along the wall. A stair lift can aid you bring groceries and laundry down and up to the stairs, too.
In several instances, climbing the actions creates severe joint pain. It's extremely tough on folks with recent hip, knee and ankle injuries. Furthermore, those with arthritis as well have troubles very usually as well. A chair lift eliminates the difficulty. They are even useful for younger adults who have undergone a recent surgery and come across themselves not able to go up steps.
If you are considering your parents or another relative who is either infirm through age, or they are physically handicapped, one of these installations would bring you such satisfaction. You would not feel that you had to be there 24/7 just to ensure the safety of the person with the mobility problems.
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Build A Labyrinth - How To Make A Guy Want You - 3 Things To Make A Guy Like You!.
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Have you ever known any women who seem to be "lucky in love" and where all piquant men seems to come of course and effortlessly to them? Do you know how to make a guy that you like want you?
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How is How To Make A Guy Want You - 3 Things To Make A Guy Like You!
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Well, it is not a magic to make any guy you like want you. You don't need to be gorgeous or young either. And you don't have to be Lucky too. What you Need to do is to Learn! Here are 3 things that you can do to start manufacture him want you:
1. Developing piquant personality
Developing an piquant personality is truly the core of being thriving in manufacture a guy wants you. piquant personality comes from a sense of enjoyment for life. The occasion you express your emotions like outgoing, fun, active, have goals and ambitions, look and feel healthy, you plainly generate these waves of excitement around you and guys do click on it.
Once you feel plainly happy and excited about your existence, you can form a extra flirty connection with a guy you like. If you think about attraction only when you have a crush, you feel pressured and stressed because you feel you need to form all these skills at once. Start right now developing an piquant personality! That way, when you truly have to be at your best, you'll have no problem giving yourself this extra kick to seduce a specific man you like
2. Make a guy feels good when he is around you
It is very simple: you want to understand his needs and give him what he is finding for. When you speak to him, identify what he likes and does not like and see how you can be part of this picture. Remember that guys come back to you because of the way they feel about themselves when they are with you.
If he can feel good, laughter, fun, joy, connection, some depth, refinement, and pleasure when he is with you and you are also an open door into something he wants, then this is the occasion that he gets attracted to you.
3. Focus first on flirting with him!
If you like a guy, don't walk to him and ask him out. Focus first on flirting and building up complicity. The connection or dating "thing" comes later. Once he warms up to the idea that you are fun to be with, he'll be an easy pray!
Finally, if you want to more effect in getting a man that you like, then you need extra power and sufficient strategies. You have two options:
a. The first one is to keep on doing what you have been doing till now.
b. The second one is to associate with a new refreshing mind set.
Dating is like hunting. You can sit down and wait. It won't work!
If you want to break through, you need to take action! You need to know how to retell to men. You need to know how to feel comfortable around them, understand their psyche and know how to make your connection with a man work.
These are your goals!
These are your targets.
You don t want just a man in your life!
You of course want to be able to associate with any man you like effortlessly!
No shame! No guilt! Fearless!
So, what do you want to conquer?
A man's heart!
A man's mind!
Then, do what it takes to succeed!
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Fox Valley Hospice - Practical Things to Say and Do When Someone Dies.
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Keep it Simple
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How is Practical Things to Say and Do When Someone Dies
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Oh no, a friend I know just died. My heart is on the floor. Tears sting my eyes. What can I do? What can I say? How can I help? The death of a friend or relative puts the brakes on to our busy world. We have an urgent need to "DO SOMETHING----ANYTHING!" We find ourselves wringing our hand, afraid we might cause more hurt. Not knowing how to show our love and concern, we may opt for doing nothing rather than "intruding on their grief." I'd like to share something important with you. Survivors tell me it helps so much to have others reach out to them. Most of them are very glad you cared enough to try.
For over twenty one years, I listened to people share their hurts and frustrations as they journey through the mourning process. I volunteered with Fox Valley Hospice for five years and supported bereaved families as the Bereavement Care Director at Conley Funeral Home in Elburn, Illinois. I looked for ways to help them concretely express their grief. When I followed up on them at regular intervals in the year following the death, the bereaved told me the BEST thing a person can do for someone they care about is simply: BE THERE---period! You don't have to say or do a thing.
Survivors tell me over and over how a hug or heartfelt handshake is remembered more than any words. Even though we know we don't really need to say anything, we still would feel more comfortable if we had a thought or two in our back pocket-just in case. From my reading and experience with "those who have been there" I compiled a list of helpful thoughts. You can also write words similar to these on a card going off in the mail. The thoughts are short and simple. Survivors have so much to think about that many times it is difficult for them to be aware of what is happening around them. It is best to keep comments brief. At the end of the article, there is a list of hints on what not to say. Survivors shared with me that hearing these things from those who came to comfort can actually cause more hurt and confusion. Helping people is one of the things life is all about. So go to your friend with confidence, knowing that your presence will bring comfort, even if your words are not remembered.
WHAT TO SAY
The best advice I ever received when trying to think of something to say when there really wasn't anything to say was, "Simply say what you are feeling." Try to put into words the pain and loss you are feeling your self rather than assuming what the other person is feeling. Let the survivor express his thoughts and feelings to you first. This gives him a sense that you are really listening and trying to understand. After you listen you will have a better understanding of how to respond. The following suggestions can be put in your own words.
o What a tragedy this is for you and your family.
o I heard about what happened and just had to come
o I hate it that this had to happen.
o How terribly hard this must be for all of you.
o I feel so bad about all the suffering (Name) had to go through.
o I was just shocked when I heard the news.
o I can't imagine what you are going through.
o My heart hurts for all of you.
o Tears came to my eyes when I read the obituary.
o I feel just terrible about what happened.
o What an awful loss to our community.
o There's a big hole now in my life.
o The world will never be the same without (Name).
o (Name) had such a great smile, personality etc. I will really miss him/her.
o I enjoyed working together with (Name). He always made the tasks easier, more fun etc.
o (Name) had such a wonderful way of making everyone he met feel special.
o I'm going to miss (Name) so much.
o I remember when...(happy memory here)
WHAT TO DO
Nature provides a wonderful, natural "tool" to help the bereaved get through the first hours and days after the death of someone they love. It's called shock. When our friends are in shock, they find it difficult to think and feel. The day to day necessities of life are difficult to handle. When you are looking for ways to help your friend, be practical. The following list will need to be adapted according to the friendship you have established with the family. You will need to use your own thoughtful discernment regarding the appropriateness of these suggestions.
WHEN YOU FIRST HEAR
Determine whether the family would appreciate a call from you at this time or just a thoughtful little note tucked in their door saying how much the family is in your thoughts since you heard the news. In the note, you can offer several suggestions for helping the family our, such as:
o Washing the cars inside and out.
o Answering the phone.
o Polishing shoes
o Keeping track of children, driving them to lessons etc.
o Gathering information, (flight plans etc.)
o Picking up relatives from the airport
o Grocery shopping or other errands
o Caring for pets
o Bringing over snacks and/or a meal
o Staying at the home to receive gifts of food and/or flowers, recording who they are from
PREPARING FOR VISITATION
GIFTS
o Rather than sending cut flowers to the funeral home, why not send a plant that can be replanted outside to your friends' home?
o Choose a picture frame, figurine or piece of jewelry in memory of the loved one to give to your friend.
o Prisms that make rainbows throughout the room when the sun shines make a lasting gift of hope and beauty.
o Monetary gifts made to the designated memorial funds are greatly appreciated.
o Make up "quiet bags" for the young children. At visitations kids don't have much to do. They don't enjoy talking with relatives. You will be a hero to them and their parents if you provide a little relief. Buy a few inexpensive quiet toys for them to play with during those long hours. (Pad of paper and pencil, a small stuffed animal to hold for comfort, magnetic games or quiet contained puzzles, white boards.
o Make a memory book of blank pages that friends and family can fill in for a valued keep-sake. Ask people you see at visitation or at the luncheon afterwards to write their thoughts and memories. Make a pretty cover for it or use a fun photograph.
o Make a photo album of photos of you and your friend. Everyone appreciates photos of their loved ones.
SERVICES TO OFFER
o Offer to "house sit" during the visitation hours or the funeral where you can answer the phone and door. Keep good messages.
o Offer to coordinate the luncheon.
o Offer to clean up after the luncheon.
o Offer to sit with small children during the funeral at the funeral.
ATTENDING THE VISITATION
o Attend the visitation and offer a warm handshake or a hug.
o Bring a note with special memories and/or attributes of the person who died.
o Don't be afraid to show your own tears. They show the survivors that you care too. Their loved one did not live in vain.
THE FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
o When you help out by taking food, be sure to put your name and phone number on the container. Better yet, send it in a disposable container. (When preparing food, it would be especially thoughtful to consider any of the survivors who may be on a special diet). Also when you prepare food, choose something that will be especially comforting to eat like a hot noodle or potato dish.
o Offer to return food containers to their owners after the luncheon.
o Offer to bring the paper and plastic products for the luncheon after the funeral.
o Offer to bring more chairs if needed.
WHAT NOT TO SAY
When someone dies, the mourners are often confused and hurt. They are experiencing a variety of feelings which make them feel especially vulnerable. It is best to not offer any explanations about the death, assume how they are feeling or even encourage them to look on the bright side. Let them take the lead with these thoughts. What they want most is to be accepted and given the right to express their thoughts and concerns without judgment. In time mourners can usually see past insensitive remarks to the heart behind the words. If you have said any of the following in the past, forgive yourself, knowing that you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Your intentions came from a heart full of love. That's what really counts. Vow to never say them again.
o It must have been his time. (most survivors are not ready to hear this yet-they are still wanting the person to be alive and with them)
o She lived a good life. (this does not give the survivor the room to have different feelings)
o It must have been God's will. (This comment can cause anger toward God, pointing the blame and causing the survivor to feel guilty for being angry at a loving God.)
o If he wouldn't have been out that late, he would be alive right now. (This comment is blaming the victim and not bringing comfort to the survivors.)
o She wouldn't want you to be so sad. (People hurt when someone dies because they loved him/her. It's natural and healthy to feel sad. None of us like to be told what or what not to feel.)
o When a child dies please don't say, "You're young, you can have more children." (This comment minimizes the death. No child can ever take the place of another.)
o I know just how you feel, my dog died last month. (Most parents will in no way relate to that.)
o At least you have other children. (Again, there's a hole that no child can replace.)
o It's probably for the best. (A survivor is so overwhelmed with feelings of grief, that his comment is usually misunderstood.)
o God must have wanted a baby angel. (Parents cannot understand how God would want their child more than they do)
o I know just how you feel. (Even though you may have had a similar experience, you are not this person. There are multiple factors influencing each individual circumstance and therefore you cannot know how someone else is feeling.)
o Just keep looking for the positives. (A griever usually cannot be at this point in his mourning for many weeks following the death.)
o You just sit there and let me take care of everything. (Making decisions is helpful in the recovery process of grief-let survivors make as many as they can.) NOTE: While giving someone valium may sound like a good idea at the time, the drug or one like it can dull feelings that will still need to be dealt with eventually. It is important to a person's well being that they are active participants with as sharp a mind as possible.
DON'T SAY THE FOLLOWING TO CHILDREN
o Look at how peacefully she is sleeping. (Children take most things literally and may have problems sleeping because they believe that they may die in their sleep.)
o You must take care of your mom/dad now. (This is too much pressure on a child-they need to be themselves and mourn in their own way. No one else can take the place of another. A family needs to work together repairing the broken circle. In healthy grief, families need each other and support one another.
o No, you shouldn't see (Name). It's better to remember them the way they were. (This may be true for some children, but for others they need to see for themselves that the person is really dead otherwise they may continually look for them to come home.
o In the case of suicide, NEVER impose your beliefs or even suggest where their loved ones' soul has gone even if you share the same faith. Suicide is cruel. Support your friend as if he has a broken limb. Don't offer any opinions.
SOME CONCLUDING REMARKS
Unfortunately, grief does not go away in a few weeks. Survivors eventually learn to integrate their loss but find there are special times that trigger the sadness. Some of those times are predictable like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. The days surrounding the one year anniversary of the death can be especially difficult. Other times are not so predictable; the first signs of spring or the smell of fall or even seeing someone in a crowd that resembles the loved one can bring on an overwhelming sadness. Being aware of these times especially the first year and possibly the second can be good times for some special attention from you. A phone call, card, flowers or visit are greatly appreciated by the griever.
If your friend is finding it hard to cope with daily activities and is experiencing extreme sleeping and eating patterns over a long period of time could mean that they could benefit from talking with a clergy person or professional counselor who understands the grieving process. Some people find that support groups like, Make Today Count, Survivors of Suicide or Compassionate Friends are especially helpful.
May you go in peace and find that you are a better person because you took the time, energy and courage to reach out.
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Build A Labyrinth - 5 Fun Things to Do on Halloween
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If you are looking for something to do on Halloween there are many cost productive activities that citizen of all ages can enjoy. Not only is Halloween one of the most fun holidays for children, adults can enjoy it to.
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Here are 5 Fun Things to do on Halloween:
1.) Take a child Trick or Treating: I can remember growing up how much fun it was to pick out or make a costume for Halloween to go trick or treating. We would all the time get a group of neighborhood kids together and take pictures and go door to door throughout our town collecting candy and showing off our costumes. The dads would pull a wagon behind us filled with drinks while our mothers would get together and hand out candy. It was a blast! If you are looking for something to do on Halloween and you don't have kids, see if your neighbors or relatives would like you to take their kids out. It's a fun time for everyone!
2.) Decorate your Lawn: I all the time enjoyed going up to the houses that were decorated on Halloween. It is literally easy to decorate for the holiday and very inexpensive. Fill garbage bags with leaves, hang up spider webs on your house and make a few Styrofoam head stones. It can be literally fun to do and easy to clean up!
3.) Host A Halloween Party: If you are anything like me, you love an excuse to throw a party. Halloween is the exquisite holiday to dress up silly, make and eat some good food and socialize with your friends. Obviously this party will be themed and if you feel like it you could even have a dress up contest.
4.) Go to a Corn Maze: If you have a house a corn maze might be fun to attend on Halloween. There is so much more to do at a corn maze then the maze itself. Most have costume contests, serve hot apple cider and other treats and some even have a wagon ride which small children enjoy. Remember to keep your kids close, we don't want them to get lost!
5.) Visit A Haunted House:If you like the whole theme of Halloween you probably like or are into scary things. Visiting a local haunted house is a great way to enjoy the holiday and get scared at the same time. Haunted houses are fun to go with a group of friends or even on a date. I like going to a haunted house or two a year, they are all the time great at changing the theme or layout.
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Hospice At Home - On Death and Dying - Ten Things You Need to Know About Hospice Care
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Your house physician and your neighbor have both suggested you call hospice for your ill loved one but you continue to be reluctant. You fear that accepting hospice is "giving up" and that your loved one will no longer receive state of the art curative care. This description will help you to sort through many of your spoken and unspoken concerns about hospice care.
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1. Isn't hospice a place where people go? No, hospice is a service, not a place. Hospice brings care into your own home, be it a inexpressive residence, an assisted living facility or a nursing home. Most people want to and can stay at home but if your care becomes too involved to carry on at home, hospices also supply short term patient care to operate symptoms in a hospice unit, a hospital or a skilled nursing facility.
2. What does hospice provide? Hospice provides a lot of expert services. Hospices are mandated to supply both routine and after hours nursing visits. This means that the nurse will visit regularly, assess for changes and dispose for medicines and curative supplies as they are needed. She/he will put crisis medications and oxygen in your home in expand of a crisis. The nurse will spend a great deal of time answering your questions and establishment you for what comes next. Where in the past, you brought your ill loved one to the doctor's office or to the crisis room, now the services will come to you. Should you need help or direction on a Saturday or Sunday, a nurse will visit. You are no longer alone; help is just a phone call away. Other services that the hospice provides contain an aide to help with bathing, counselors to help meet emotional needs and volunteers. Some hospices supply physician visits. Some hospices even supply music therapy, massage therapy, aroma therapy, pet therapy and art therapy.
3. When do you qualify for hospice care? Unfortunately most people get hospice care too late, in the final days or weeks of life. They qualify for it as much as six months earlier. Getting hospice care earlier reduces the family's stress, avoids burnout and guarantees an improved quality of life. It keeps the patient well, which allows for extra moments and memories to be shared. It affords both you and your loved one the chance to say "thank you" and "good bye."
4. Don't most people die at home? While is true that 90% of Americans want to die at home, in actuality, very few do. Currently, 75-80% of Americans die in facilities (hospitals and nursing homes) and less than 25% of them die at home. In contrast, hospice patients practically always get their wish to die at home as their families are well prepared and supported to care for them at home. Hospice patients rarely die in the hospital.
5. Can hospice patients die in a hospital? Of course. If they pick to die in the hospital, the patient will need to be discharged from the hospice, a easy matter of signing a paper.
6. Will entering a hospice make you die sooner? There is a great deal of unfounded concern about the use of medications like Morphine and the fear that its use will shorten life. There are some studies that show that Morphine eases pain but does not shorten life even in the most debilitated and ill patients. Other unfounded fear is that person will die sooner if they find out that they are terminally ill. house members sometimes insist that no one mention the word "hospice" to their loved one out of fear that their loved one will give up on life. The reality is, being ill and in failing condition is a lonely experience. Most patients know on some level how ill they are. Many want to talk about it and put plans in place. Sometimes they don't bring it up because they see how painful it is for you and they are trying to protect you. This conspiracy of silence robs both parties of opportunities. Many patients want to ask questions about what will happen to them. They look for reassurance that their symptoms will be controlled and that they will remain in operate and comfortable. You also may want to ask them questions. Questions about their funeral and how they want issues handled after their death.
7. Do patients admitted to hospice ever improve? Yes, some patients admitted to hospice assuredly enhance and in time, they are discharged from hospice. This makes sense that when you enhance someone's pain and ease their loneliness, they will eat and sleep best and fetch some health.
8. Will hospice make me give up treatments that are currently benefiting me? You don't have to give up treatments or medications that are benefiting you. The hospice focus is on quality of life. Medications that promote quality of life are usually covered by the hospice. If you find a new rehabilitation that may prolong your life (but not enhance your quality of life), you can sign off the hospice advantage and return at a later date.
9. Is hospice care expensive? Hospice care is covered by most insurance. Medicare and most Medicaid insurances cover hospice care at 100%. Many inexpressive insurances have modeled themselves after these federal and state programs and also cover hospice care at 100%.
10. Hospice care is a vital service that many people never receive.
Sometimes it is never offered and other times, the patient or house is reluctant to accept hospice care. Most families who did receive hospice care say that they could have benefited from hospice much earlier. Ask you physician about hospice care. If your physician is not sure that you qualify, most hospices will send a nurse to the home to evaluate your appropriateness for hospice. Don't allow your fear to prevent you from getting the help that you need.
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Fox Valley Hospice - Practical Things to Say and Do When Someone Dies
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Oh no, a friend I know just died. My heart is on the floor. Tears sting my eyes. What can I do? What can I say? How can I help? The death of a friend or relative puts the brakes on to our busy world. We have an urgent need to "DO SOMETHING----ANYTHING!" We find ourselves wringing our hand, afraid we might cause more hurt. Not knowing how to show our love and concern, we may opt for doing nothing rather than "intruding on their grief." I'd like to share something important with you. Survivors tell me it helps so much to have others reach out to them. Most of them are very glad you cared enough to try.
For over twenty one years, I listened to people share their hurts and frustrations as they journey through the mourning process. I volunteered with Fox Valley Hospice for five years and supported bereaved families as the Bereavement Care Director at Conley Funeral Home in Elburn, Illinois. I looked for ways to help them concretely express their grief. When I followed up on them at regular intervals in the year following the death, the bereaved told me the BEST thing a person can do for someone they care about is simply: BE THERE---period! You don't have to say or do a thing.
Survivors tell me over and over how a hug or heartfelt handshake is remembered more than any words. Even though we know we don't really need to say anything, we still would feel more comfortable if we had a thought or two in our back pocket-just in case. From my reading and experience with "those who have been there" I compiled a list of helpful thoughts. You can also write words similar to these on a card going off in the mail. The thoughts are short and simple. Survivors have so much to think about that many times it is difficult for them to be aware of what is happening around them. It is best to keep comments brief. At the end of the article, there is a list of hints on what not to say. Survivors shared with me that hearing these things from those who came to comfort can actually cause more hurt and confusion. Helping people is one of the things life is all about. So go to your friend with confidence, knowing that your presence will bring comfort, even if your words are not remembered.
WHAT TO SAY
The best advice I ever received when trying to think of something to say when there really wasn't anything to say was, "Simply say what you are feeling." Try to put into words the pain and loss you are feeling your self rather than assuming what the other person is feeling. Let the survivor express his thoughts and feelings to you first. This gives him a sense that you are really listening and trying to understand. After you listen you will have a better understanding of how to respond. The following suggestions can be put in your own words.
o What a tragedy this is for you and your family.
o I heard about what happened and just had to come
o I hate it that this had to happen.
o How terribly hard this must be for all of you.
o I feel so bad about all the suffering (Name) had to go through.
o I was just shocked when I heard the news.
o I can't imagine what you are going through.
o My heart hurts for all of you.
o Tears came to my eyes when I read the obituary.
o I feel just terrible about what happened.
o What an awful loss to our community.
o There's a big hole now in my life.
o The world will never be the same without (Name).
o (Name) had such a great smile, personality etc. I will really miss him/her.
o I enjoyed working together with (Name). He always made the tasks easier, more fun etc.
o (Name) had such a wonderful way of making everyone he met feel special.
o I'm going to miss (Name) so much.
o I remember when...(happy memory here)
WHAT TO DO
Nature provides a wonderful, natural "tool" to help the bereaved get through the first hours and days after the death of someone they love. It's called shock. When our friends are in shock, they find it difficult to think and feel. The day to day necessities of life are difficult to handle. When you are looking for ways to help your friend, be practical. The following list will need to be adapted according to the friendship you have established with the family. You will need to use your own thoughtful discernment regarding the appropriateness of these suggestions.
WHEN YOU FIRST HEAR
Determine whether the family would appreciate a call from you at this time or just a thoughtful little note tucked in their door saying how much the family is in your thoughts since you heard the news. In the note, you can offer several suggestions for helping the family our, such as:
o Washing the cars inside and out.
o Answering the phone.
o Polishing shoes
o Keeping track of children, driving them to lessons etc.
o Gathering information, (flight plans etc.)
o Picking up relatives from the airport
o Grocery shopping or other errands
o Caring for pets
o Bringing over snacks and/or a meal
o Staying at the home to receive gifts of food and/or flowers, recording who they are from
PREPARING FOR VISITATION
GIFTS
o Rather than sending cut flowers to the funeral home, why not send a plant that can be replanted outside to your friends' home?
o Choose a picture frame, figurine or piece of jewelry in memory of the loved one to give to your friend.
o Prisms that make rainbows throughout the room when the sun shines make a lasting gift of hope and beauty.
o Monetary gifts made to the designated memorial funds are greatly appreciated.
o Make up "quiet bags" for the young children. At visitations kids don't have much to do. They don't enjoy talking with relatives. You will be a hero to them and their parents if you provide a little relief. Buy a few inexpensive quiet toys for them to play with during those long hours. (Pad of paper and pencil, a small stuffed animal to hold for comfort, magnetic games or quiet contained puzzles, white boards.
o Make a memory book of blank pages that friends and family can fill in for a valued keep-sake. Ask people you see at visitation or at the luncheon afterwards to write their thoughts and memories. Make a pretty cover for it or use a fun photograph.
o Make a photo album of photos of you and your friend. Everyone appreciates photos of their loved ones.
SERVICES TO OFFER
o Offer to "house sit" during the visitation hours or the funeral where you can answer the phone and door. Keep good messages.
o Offer to coordinate the luncheon.
o Offer to clean up after the luncheon.
o Offer to sit with small children during the funeral at the funeral.
ATTENDING THE VISITATION
o Attend the visitation and offer a warm handshake or a hug.
o Bring a note with special memories and/or attributes of the person who died.
o Don't be afraid to show your own tears. They show the survivors that you care too. Their loved one did not live in vain.
THE FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE
o When you help out by taking food, be sure to put your name and phone number on the container. Better yet, send it in a disposable container. (When preparing food, it would be especially thoughtful to consider any of the survivors who may be on a special diet). Also when you prepare food, choose something that will be especially comforting to eat like a hot noodle or potato dish.
o Offer to return food containers to their owners after the luncheon.
o Offer to bring the paper and plastic products for the luncheon after the funeral.
o Offer to bring more chairs if needed.
WHAT NOT TO SAY
When someone dies, the mourners are often confused and hurt. They are experiencing a variety of feelings which make them feel especially vulnerable. It is best to not offer any explanations about the death, assume how they are feeling or even encourage them to look on the bright side. Let them take the lead with these thoughts. What they want most is to be accepted and given the right to express their thoughts and concerns without judgment. In time mourners can usually see past insensitive remarks to the heart behind the words. If you have said any of the following in the past, forgive yourself, knowing that you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. Your intentions came from a heart full of love. That's what really counts. Vow to never say them again.
o It must have been his time. (most survivors are not ready to hear this yet-they are still wanting the person to be alive and with them)
o She lived a good life. (this does not give the survivor the room to have different feelings)
o It must have been God's will. (This comment can cause anger toward God, pointing the blame and causing the survivor to feel guilty for being angry at a loving God.)
o If he wouldn't have been out that late, he would be alive right now. (This comment is blaming the victim and not bringing comfort to the survivors.)
o She wouldn't want you to be so sad. (People hurt when someone dies because they loved him/her. It's natural and healthy to feel sad. None of us like to be told what or what not to feel.)
o When a child dies please don't say, "You're young, you can have more children." (This comment minimizes the death. No child can ever take the place of another.)
o I know just how you feel, my dog died last month. (Most parents will in no way relate to that.)
o At least you have other children. (Again, there's a hole that no child can replace.)
o It's probably for the best. (A survivor is so overwhelmed with feelings of grief, that his comment is usually misunderstood.)
o God must have wanted a baby angel. (Parents cannot understand how God would want their child more than they do)
o I know just how you feel. (Even though you may have had a similar experience, you are not this person. There are multiple factors influencing each individual circumstance and therefore you cannot know how someone else is feeling.)
o Just keep looking for the positives. (A griever usually cannot be at this point in his mourning for many weeks following the death.)
o You just sit there and let me take care of everything. (Making decisions is helpful in the recovery process of grief-let survivors make as many as they can.) NOTE: While giving someone valium may sound like a good idea at the time, the drug or one like it can dull feelings that will still need to be dealt with eventually. It is important to a person's well being that they are active participants with as sharp a mind as possible.
DON'T SAY THE FOLLOWING TO CHILDREN
o Look at how peacefully she is sleeping. (Children take most things literally and may have problems sleeping because they believe that they may die in their sleep.)
o You must take care of your mom/dad now. (This is too much pressure on a child-they need to be themselves and mourn in their own way. No one else can take the place of another. A family needs to work together repairing the broken circle. In healthy grief, families need each other and support one another.
o No, you shouldn't see (Name). It's better to remember them the way they were. (This may be true for some children, but for others they need to see for themselves that the person is really dead otherwise they may continually look for them to come home.
o In the case of suicide, NEVER impose your beliefs or even suggest where their loved ones' soul has gone even if you share the same faith. Suicide is cruel. Support your friend as if he has a broken limb. Don't offer any opinions.
SOME CONCLUDING REMARKS
Unfortunately, grief does not go away in a few weeks. Survivors eventually learn to integrate their loss but find there are special times that trigger the sadness. Some of those times are predictable like holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. The days surrounding the one year anniversary of the death can be especially difficult. Other times are not so predictable; the first signs of spring or the smell of fall or even seeing someone in a crowd that resembles the loved one can bring on an overwhelming sadness. Being aware of these times especially the first year and possibly the second can be good times for some special attention from you. A phone call, card, flowers or visit are greatly appreciated by the griever.
If your friend is finding it hard to cope with daily activities and is experiencing extreme sleeping and eating patterns over a long period of time could mean that they could benefit from talking with a clergy person or professional counselor who understands the grieving process. Some people find that support groups like, Make Today Count, Survivors of Suicide or Compassionate Friends are especially helpful.
May you go in peace and find that you are a better person because you took the time, energy and courage to reach out.
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